


On the Dark Side of the Moon

by DetectiveDawson (msrogersstark)



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Angst, Explosions, Long recovery, M/M, Nightmares, Trauma, happy ending i hope
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 19:37:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7858387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msrogersstark/pseuds/DetectiveDawson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With a holy host of others standin' around me<br/>Still I'm on the dark side of the moon<br/>And it seems like it goes on like this forever<br/>You must forgive me, if I'm up and gone<br/>--<br/>Antonio can hardly shut his eyes without reliving the night a few weeks ago. Even the presence of Hank next to him in bed isn’t enough to get him to sleep sometimes. Tonight is one of those nights.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Dark Side of the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> I love this pairing, not sure where this idea came from though.   
> \--  
> Title: Carolina in my Mind- James Taylor (Summary from there too)  
> \--  
> Unbeta'd  
> \--  
> Chapter 2 is in progress

Antonio can hardly shut his eyes without reliving the night a few weeks ago. Even the presence of Hank next to him in bed isn’t enough to get him to sleep sometimes. Tonight is one of those nights.

\--

_The blast goes off in the floor above Antonio, who dives to the side as rubble crashes down around him. He’s under cover, has been for a couple of weeks now and he’s completely unprepared for this. He reaches for his phone, just a burner that he swore to the guys he’s working for that it was just to contact his wife. He hadn’t had a wife for two years now, Voight was the closest thing he had to a life partner and they hadn’t begun to put labels on anything. Still, it was Hank’s number that he had on speed dial and he pressed the button, praying that the collapsing building hadn’t severed any service towers. While the phone rang, he searched for a way out. Rubble was still falling from above him, creating moonlike craters on the ground near him before plummeting to the floor below him. He was on the third floor and there were at least 10 above him. Dust was stirring up around him, impeding his vision and he coughed as Voight answered the phone._

_“Antonio?” Voight asked, worry in his voice. They hadn’t talked much since he’d gone undercover, it hadn’t been safe._

_“Hank, there was an explosion in the building on the floor above me, I’m more or less trapped on the 3 rd floor.” Antonio coughed again and dove out of the way as a larger block fell right where he’d previously been standing. “The building is coming down.” _

_“The fire department is on the way.” Hank steadied his voice. “Look for a staircase.”_

_“Blocked,” Antonio replied immediately. He’d checked all the exits and there were large, immovable objects against them. “Even if I could get in to one, I’d be trapped in minutes.”_

_Antonio took more and more steps back as the floor above him gave way. He was pressed up against the wall. “Shit, Hank. I’m trapped.”_

_“Hang on, just hang on.” Hank muttered and Antonio knew he was grabbing his gun and leaving the office. It was just like Antonio had seen many times before when they went off to find other victims. Now he was the victim._

_The dust was making it hard to breathe and Antonio crouched down in the hopes of finding a clear airway. Instead, he realized that the layers of rubble surrounding him was deeper than he’d thought. The realization dawned on him. He was going to die here, in the building, alone. He’d never see his kids, his friends, Hank, he’d never see any of them again._

_“Antonio are you there?” Hank’s voice seemed panicky, and he could hear the siren on Voight’s car through the phone._

_“I’m going to die.” Antonio whispered._

_“No, no you are not going to die, god damnit.”_

_“I’m trapped and I can’t breathe, Hank. I’m going to die.”_

_“Antonio,”_

_“I love you,” He blurted, “I love you, Hank.”_

_“I love you too, shit.” Hank slammed on the brakes. “I’m right outside, just-“_

_A desk from the floor above, missing half a leg and cracked through the middle, crashed down and Antonio just had time to flatten himself against the floor before it landed on top of him, sending his phone skittering away. He could hear Voight calling his name over and over before his passed out._

\--

He woke with a start, smacking his head on the headboard and crying out in pain. Voight was at his side in seconds, placing a soothing hand on Antonio’s side.

“You can breathe, you’re okay.” He reassured him, reaching to turn on the light.

Their bedroom was thrown into dim light and Antonio closed his eyes. Voight brushed a hand through Antonio’s hair.

When Antonio’s breathing had slowed a little bit, Voight spoke quietly. “It’s 4 in the morning, do you want to go back to sleep or should we just get up? It’s up to you.”

“I’m not going back to sleep, but I don’t think I could get up either.” He winced.

Voight pressed his lips softly against Antonio’s cheek, which was hot to the touch. “Do I need to call an ambulance?”

“No no I’m okay.” Antonio tried to sit up but the world was spinning. “Shit.”

“If we aren’t going to the hospital right now, I’m calling Dr. Halstead and taking you in this afternoon.”

Antonio chuckled under his breath. “Why do you know exactly what I need, even when I don’t even know what I need?”

“I know you too well.” Voight climbed out of bed. “Is it your head?”

“Yeah,” Antonio breathed, “I have a migraine. Again.”

Voight turned the light off again and went out of the room to make a phone call. Antonio tried to even out his breathing and stop his hands from shaking but it was useless. He wanted to scream. He wanted to get better.

“Babe?” Hank opened the door a crack. “Do you want me to bring you anything?”

“I’m fine, I’m getting up.” Antonio pushed himself to his feet and Hank opened the door fully.

“I think you should sit down.” Hank said quietly, watching Antonio steady himself with the dresser. “You said it yourself, you aren’t up to it.”

“I haven’t been up to it for 3 weeks, I’m up to it now or else.” As the words left his mouth, he pitched forward into Voight’s waiting arms. “Fuck.”

Antonio wrapped his arms around Hank’s neck and nuzzled into his chest, panting. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Antonio said quietly.

“Don’t even try, Antonio. You don’t need to apologize to me for being injured.” Hank stroked his back. “Let’s go see Will okay?”

\--

_Antonio came to in the ambulance, inhaling the sweet, clean oxygen they were pumping into him. He couldn’t get a good glimpse of his surroundings and he started to panic. His sister’s face swam into view and Hank’s worried one next to hers. Antonio tried to lift up his arms to reach either one of them but he didn’t have the strength._

_“Just lie still, Antonio.” Gabby pressed a hand to his shoulders, stilling his movements._

_Hank tried to smile but his face was white with stress and Antonio was desperate to reassure him, even if he wasn’t sure what was going to happen._

_When they reached the hospital, Antonio was doing his best to stay present. Gabby jumped out as the doors opened and Voight pressed a kiss to Antonio’s temple as they wheeled him out. He succumbed to the pleasing darkness soaking his vision._

\--

Hank pulled into the loading zone at the hospital, put his badge in the window and opened Antonio’s door. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and helped him through the door to emergency.

“Sit here okay?” Hank said to him quietly.

Antonio nodded and closed his eyes against the florescent lights as Voight went up to Maggie’s counter.

“I know our appointment isn’t til later, but he can’t walk.” Hank pressed his shaking palms into his coat. “He’s having migraines and he had another nightmare.”

Maggie nodded, “Take him to Trauma 2.”

Hank walked back to the lobby as Maggie paged Dr. Halstead and Dr. Charles.

“You’re too good for me,” Antonio chuckled as Hank helped him up again.

 

“So we did some tests,” Will said, coming back to the room an hour later. Hank was perched on the edge of the bed, hand gently twined with Antonio’s own. “You seem to have aggravated your concussion and that is the cause of the migraines, light sensitivity and dizziness.”

“As well as your lack of sleep,” Dr. Charles added.

“So I have some stronger meds for you to take that should cut down on the pain and dizziness to at least allow for some movement.”

Antonio nodded, looking somewhat more relieved.

“That being said, we still need you to partake in little activity and rest as much as you can.”

“As for your nightmares,” Daniel began, “I wanted to prescribe you with some strong sleeping pills but Dr. Halstead disagrees with me. He feels that drugs will just postpone the trauma that you are experiencing. This is true.”

“Will,” Hank said, jumping immediately to Antonio’s aid, “You have to understand what we’re going through here, neither of us are sleeping.”

Will held up his hand and motioned for Daniel to continue.

“That being said, we will give you the drugs short term provided that you make regular appointments to see me.”

“Given the fact that Antonio could barely walk today, I don’t see it being easy to get him to you on a regular basis.” Hank gestured to Antonio and crossed his arms.

“This isn’t going to be easy, Hank.” Daniel replied with a bit of hostility.

“It’s only been a few weeks, I’m not sure that he’s up to it.” Hank stood up from the bed.

“It’s fine, Hank.” Antonio put a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I’m fine to make the appointments.”

Dr. Halstead nodded, “Alright, we should be done here then.” He handed Hank the prescription.

“So what is his timeline looking like for returning to work?” Hank asked as the four of them walked out of the room.

Dr. Halstead and Dr. Charles exchanged a glance before Will spoke, “We don’t want to rule it out completely, but we aren’t seeing many signs of the ability to return to work.”

“That being said,” Daniel spoke up, “I’m sure the department will give you a great package and you’ll have a great retirement.”

“Wait,” Antonio looked at the both of them, “That’s not an option.”

“Antonio, it’s just practical.” Daniel touched his shoulder. “This isn’t just going to end in a few months, it’s a long process.”

“No.” Antonio shook his hand off. “Let’s go, Hank.”

Hank hurried to put an arm around his boyfriend, mouthing a quick apology to the doctors as they left.

 

The next few weeks weren’t much better. They both started sleeping better with the pills and Antonio could move around the house by himself after about a week on the new medication. Still, the therapy sessions took a lot out of Antonio and it wasn’t much help to the physical recovery portion. Hank got more and more caught up in the work he was meant to be doing, a few multi-murder cases kept him at the district late into the night and he could tell Antonio was getting lonely at home. Gabby was taking care of him on the nights that Hank couldn’t make it home and the looks he’d receive from her when he arrived that morning were of disappointment.

 

Two months after the doctors appointment, he returned home late one night to find Gabby waiting for him.

“We need to talk,” She crossed her arms and stared him dead in the eyes.

Hank motioned to the couch but she stayed where she was.

“What’s your deal with my brother?”

Hank looked at her, “I don’t understand-“

“Do you care about him?”

“Of course I do.”

“You’re never here anymore. He pines for you.”

A wave of guilt washed over Hank, “What do you mean?”

“He’s always asking if I’ve heard from you and he hates going to bed alone. So,” she took a step towards him, “are you in this for the long haul?”

“Gabby-“  
“Do you care about him? Or is he just one of your side rehab projects?”

“I care-“

“Are you going to really ride this out? Or are you just going to get tired of him and then walk out? Because that’s going to hurt him more than any concussion.”

“Would you just let me talk?” Hank took a step towards her, backing her away from him. “I’m in love with him. There isn’t a second that I’m at work that I don’t wish I were at home with him. But Antonio and I both know that the city of Chicago needs my help-“

“Oh you’re so self-righteous. ‘ _Chicago needs me, it can’t function without the great Hank Voight’_.” She scoffed, “it would survive.”

Hank sighed, “I already talked to the commander about getting some time off. We’re just wrapping up this one case and then I’m putting Lindsay in charge.”

Gabby nodded, “Good.”  
“I really love him. I’m in it, to the end or whatever happens.”

She smiled softly, “I know you are, Hank. I’ll see you later.”

When he got into bed, Antonio was lying awake, clearly fighting the sleeping pills in his system.   
“You’re really taking some time off?” He asked drowsily.

“It was meant to be a surprise,” Hank sighed, rolling over to press against Antonio, “But yes, I am taking time.”

“You don’t have to-“

“I want to, we need to spend more time together.”

Antonio smiled and closed his eyes.

“I really love you too, by the way. I’m with you to the end of the line.” Antonio grinned sleepily.

 

Six months later, Antonio’s concussion has passed and he’s cleared to start doing some activity and exercise. They go out to Molly’s to celebrate. It’s bittersweet. Antonio hasn’t seen the guys since before he went undercover, with the exception of momentary visits at the hospital. They are careful around him, hesitating before speaking and sharing side glances whenever he winces. Antonio hears Will’s words in his head about not going back to work again. All of his friends still have the department in their lives. Burgess is up in Intelligence and Lindsay is running it. Hank might not be there but he could go back anytime. For Antonio, he’s not sure that he’ll ever get to go back. He ends up leaving with a bad taste in his mouth and it’s not the alcohol.

 

The good news is that the regular exercise doesn’t aggravate his head injury or his dizziness. He still gets the occasional migraine but he can function on his own now. He drives himself where he needs to go and heads to the gym a few times a week. He and Hank become joined at the hip and Antonio really starts to believe in the relationship.

 

They get engaged on the anniversary of the night of the incident. Hank hopes that it will be a good memory to cover up the ache of the year gone by. It doesn’t work.

They fall into bed together, Antonio pressed urgently against Hank. It’s been _forever_ since they touched each other and Antonio is more than eager. Hank, despite his better judgment gives in, reaching to pull off Antonio’s shirt. Some of the bulk he used to have is coming back, but the shirts he owns still hang funnily off of his body. Antonio lies back on the bed and smirks up at Hank, lifting his pants for Hank to take them off. Clothes removed, Hank moves up the bed towards Antonio and braces himself over him, leaning in to kiss him. Antonio’s face goes stark white and he pushes Hank away, practically sprinting to the bathroom before emptying the contents of his stomach in the toilet. Hank grabs the extra throw blanket from the bed and makes his way to the bathroom. He should have known better than to crowd Antonio.

“I’m sorry,” Antonio looks up at him from the floor, coughing. “I thought I could handle it, I really did.”

“Don’t apologize,” He wrapped the throw around his shivering _fiancé_ and kissed his hair, “You’re still getting better, I understand.”

“It’s not fair to you,” Antonio whispered, “This whole thing isn’t fair to you.”

Hank lowers himself to the floor. “It’s not about me.”

“This has been a year of your life that you spent trying to help me and clearly,” Antonio grimaced, gesturing to their location, “it hasn’t been working.

“Don’t say that.” Hank smacked his shoulder gently, “ You’ve come a long way.”

“Will was right, I’ll never-“

“Don’t say it, Antonio.” Hank held up a hand, “The minute you say it, the minute you give in to the odds, then you’re done. You’ll never go back to work.”

“I can’t even have sex with my fiancé, shit Hank.” Antonio shook his hand, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Having something on top of you is a trigger,” Hank explained, “I get that now, and I’ll work around it.”

Hank grabbed the washcloth from the sink and wiped Antonio’s mouth. “Let’s just go to sleep okay?”

They made their way back to the bed.

“I love you, Antonio.”

“For some reason.”

 

Two weeks later, an explosion happens in the next city over. No one’s hurt, the building was empty at the time and it was an accidental detonation but it’s on the news when Antonio gets up that morning. Hank comes back from visiting his grandson and finds him curled in bed, shaking and unwilling to talk about it 5 hours later.

 

A month after that, Antonio is steadily improving and Hank decides to throw him an engagement party. He hosts it at Molly’s and invites the guys from work and some of Antonio’s friends from Vice. The regulars are there too, the firemen and the doctors and even a couple of the lawyers that Hank knows. Detective Benson flies in with a couple of her detectives. Hank can’t keep himself away from Antonio, who is the life of the party. He’s got a couple drinks in him and they seem to ease his nerves. These are his friends, and they always will be, no matter what happens to him. He downs another shot that Gabby slides across the table and pulls Hank in for a kiss. The partygoers cheer and whistle. They end up ditching their own party and head home around midnight. Antonio pins Hank to the bed and rides him until he knows for a fact he won’t be able to walk the next morning.

 

Hank goes back to work the next week and things are okay. Antonio still gets lonely when Hank doesn’t come home at night but it’s better than it was.

Three months into this new routine, Antonio takes a trip down to the station to visit Hank. The minute he walks in, Platt comes around the desk to hug him.

“You feeling okay, Sergeant?” Antonio asks, bringing an arm up to hug her.

“Yes, of course.” She steps back and brushes hair from her face, “It’s good to see you, Detective.”

“You too, Trudy.” He gives her a smile as he scans his hand and ascends the stairs to Intelligence.

 

Hank’s door is closed when he gets there and he’s met with 7 blank looks.

Antonio gives a small wave and Jay is the first to speak.

“Hey buddy,” He looks wary, “What are you doing here?”

Antonio looks around the room and his eyes fix on his old desk, currently occupied by Burgess, who shuffles the papers looking awkward. He pushes away the rising thoughts about how he might never sit there again and then forces a small smile.

“I thought I’d come down and see Hank,” Antonio shrugs, “maybe grab some lunch.”

Jay and Erin exchange a look. Alivin speaks up.

“Well it’s good to see you, bro.” He smiles and pulls Antonio in for a hug, “Why don’t you and I go grab some coffee in the break room?”

 

Antonio took a seat at the table as Alvin made coffee. “I’m sorry about those guys.”

“What’s up with them?” Antonio asked, taking the coffee with a nod.

“You know they care about you, Antonio,” Alvin bites his lip, “but it’s been more than a year since you’ve been gone and I guess, they just didn’t expect you to come back.”

Antonio sighed, “I was hoping for a warmer reception.”

“Hey, I for one am glad you’re here.” Alvin smiled and touched Antonio’s arm, “And I’d love to see you back here just like old times. Hank and I are working on it.”

“I appreciate it, Al.” Antonio smiled at him.

“Listen, I gotta get back but come for dinner sometime or something.” Alvin got up from the table, “I make some great take-out.”

Antonio laughed as he watched him go. He sips the coffee. Coming back here he thought that his friends would act differently. He’d been working so hard to get better and all he got was a cold look from everyone in the room. Maybe coming back wasn’t so feasible.

The door opened behind me. “Someone told me my fantastic fiancé was here to see me and take me out for lunch.”

Antonio turned to see Hank smiling at him, “Was it Al? No one else seemed very eager to see me.”

“They’re just surprised to see you.” Hank sighed, “Come on, let’s go to lunch, I’ve got some news I think you’ll like.”

Antonio took his hand as they walked out of the room, “Seriously, I got a warmer welcome from Platt.” He spoke loud enough for his old co-workers to hear.

Hank rolled his eyes and Antonio got a couple of smiles, mainly from Jay and Alvin.

 

“I can’t believe you’re still withholding this news from me.” Antonio crossed his arms as Hank took the seat across from him at the restaurant. “I haven’t lost my interrogation skills.”

“Prove it,” Hank smirked and sat back.

“Well it’s too bad that we’re in public and I can’t show you some of my more persuasive tactics.”

“I bet you say that to all the criminals.”

“Just the cute ones.” Antonio winked.

“It’s nice to see you in such a good mood.” Hank smiled.

“Would you just tell me already?”

“I’ve heard you shouldn’t talk to cops, maybe I need to get a lawyer in here first.” Hank bit his lip to hide his smile.

“Hank.”

“Antonio.”

“Please.”

“I talked to the commander and he says that you can come back to Intelligence.”

“Seriously?” Antonio’s eyes widened.

“For desk duty only. Answering phones and research only.” Hank clarified.

Antonio looked at a loss for words. “Thank you,” he grinned.

“It’s my pleasure, babe.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?  
> \--


End file.
